well, i guess it was inevitable


so. where to start.
i have strep throat. badly. i made it through the school rush at work (we print everyones grad programs) and even worked overtime yesterday to finish them all, but i’m home sick today. because i feel like shit and i broke up with my boyfriend.
i guess. if we even broke up, and if he was even ever my boyfriend.
hard to say really since he didnt actually say anything negative to or about me except he couldnt make it this weekend. and then he stopped talking for days except 3 texts on monday. which im pretty sure he only sent cuz his phone sent out an old one when it got switched back on so he was obligated. so. you know. that would be one thing, except his phone and internet were off for the past 2 weeks and i hadnt spoken to him for 2 weeks before that except for a 2 line email. so. looks like you didnt miss me much eh? i guess it comes down to, he doesnt have time for distractions, he’s in a custody battle and i should probably fuck off. it is what it is i guess? i wish people would just actually say what they mean. yes i worry too much. yes i have a hard time not assuming youre dead when you disappear and i dont know why. i have a severe anxiety disorder. i told you that in advance, i didnt spring it on you, i didnt hide it from you. i’m doing my best here but i cant control it. i dont care where you are or what youre doing but if you could just give me that ‘yeah im not going to talk to you for a month’ heads up, my life would be a lot more livable. yes i emailed you like 5 times in a 7 day period. because before you disappeared i emailed you every night, and you texted/emailed back. and i was concerned. and i think if i wasnt, then id probably be the one of the 2 of us who didnt give a fuck.

glad i didnt actually book a hotel room (saw this cancellation coming a mile away, and also, had pretty much already decided sleeping together was probably not the best idea)

so. yeah.

i really believed him. wovel you this, ‘is it too soon to say i love you’, i really like you..
im such an idiot.
such an idiot.
and it hurts.