Silently screaming

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I never thought learning that suicide barriers had been installed on the MacDonald bridge walkway would be this disappointing.

I’ve been looking up the statistics… Because that’s what I do. I like facts. And the facts are that slitting your wrisits and swallowing a bunch of pills have a very low success rate. Like less that 1 in 6 succeed. Nearly everyone with a gun or cyanide does but I don’t really have access to those.

Which is a good thing.

So jumping off something really high has pretty good results, but I don’t think I could ever convince myself to jump off a building into concrete, so the thought of water at the bottom was nice.

I’ve always been terrified of drowning but the fall would break all my bones anyway so I feel like I’d be knocked unconscious first.

But there’s barriers and people and I’m not very good at climbing fences so.
I guess drowning is the next best option. Just fill the pockets full of rocks and walk like virgina woolf.

I wonder if I could do it.

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One thought on “Silently screaming

  1. dear suicidal soul, i know the feeling and i admire your courage to express it in writing because so many people don’t. i don’t know exactly what you’re feeling or going through right now, but i understand being suicidal, and being depressed. i still am. i know life is shit right now. but i promise, it won’t always be. i’m not going to tell you the inspirational bullshit about “it gets better” and “you have so many reasons to live”, although those are both true, they don’t change the fact that things suck right now. what i will tell you is that i believe with all my heart that you deserve better. you deserve happiness. you deserve a beautiful life. because i know, you are worth it. please, please, stay alive.

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