Stiff

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things got better, for awhile.

i dont know what to say here. my family came home, i did nothing but see them and play with children for 2 weeks. my friends are great, ive been going out with them a lot. i’ve made a few new ones this month, too. I’ve been drinking. A lot.
I’m back in school, for my one class I need to graduate. Issues in Clinic Psychology. The irony. At some point I’m probably going to have to drop these bombs; these you-can-talk-about-it-but-i-live-it things. all my opinions are so biased I can’t work around it. the joys of public self disclosure. i dont even care anymore, go ahead and judge me then pick a new major.

last week at trivia we won two rounds, came second in the other, so tomorrow we are going to bask in our free liquor. it’s ian’s last day here before he sails off in the coast guard for basically a year. amber will still be here for 8 months though. I cancelled my therapy appointment last week. i’ve only been to therapy once since before christmas and its when i had a double eye infection and a 102 fever. I was so drunk this weekend i fell down a flight of stairs. my whole body still hurts.

i went to my psychiatrist today. he increased my medication. just the anti depressants/anti anxiety ones though, not the stabilizers. the stabilizers seem to be working on a much lower dose than i had been on before. i guess thats good.
i had a job interview last week, which i blew horribly. which was unfortunate because i think they wanted to hire me before i went in. didnt get the job.

i dont know. i cried on public transportation today. i spent a long time debating if i should go to the er, but really it just makes it worse. i hate it there. i hate those people.
ironic, my life choices.

i have class tomorrow. and trivia. i made a deal with myself that if i really wont make it through the night i’d go to the er. i feel like i need to do that, for this cause i’ve been championing. maybe i dont make it but on my way out im going to get as much blood on this systems hands as possible: send me home. tell me im fine. i did my part to stop this.

class is triggering, i think.
everythings triggering.
i need a drink.

i dont know where this came from. but its back. round two (oR 24. whos counting). here we go.

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