i find writing about normalcy incredibly difficult. i dont know how bloggers do it.
regardless, its been awhile since i wrote anything, which means that things have been going pretty well.

I got rehired at studentsns, with the help of some external funding- i start in 2 weeks. the pay is decent, the benefits are full coverage, and the people are great. i feel like things came a bit full circle there, which is exciting. though also a little… i wont say depressing but… like i just lost an entire year of my life in the middle? but im getting better at the living in the moment thing lately.

i’ve been working on that SNS report ive been avoiding forever. it was hard because of the flashbacks, so my therapist told me to find someone to work with while i do it. perhaps strangely, i asked jon. we worked together for a couple days last week and i feel better about finishing it than i have in a long time.

we had a saint pattys day party here last night – streamers and decorations and too much food. i made a bajillion green velvet cupcakes. i think it went well, but i drank way too much. including downing an entire glass of something that wasnt mine right before we going to leave (by accident). im still a little afraid it wasnt meant to be consumed, because i spent 4 hours vomiting and shaking in the wee hours of the morning. thank god for kale and his dragging me off the bathroom floor.
and on that note, i need to stop drinking for awhile. clearly. the only time ive been out of bed today was to get mcdonalds (no regrets.) im bad at growing up.

im also still feeling like shit, so writing this is enormously difficult. imma sleep. an not look outside my bedroom at the truckloads of garbage and liquor bottles that are the rest of my apartment.

back soon.