do i think im going to kill myself right now?

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i’ve lost the ability to tell. ive lost trust in my ability to keep myself safe. its a feeling you cant explain to someone who hasnt been there. everyone thinks suicide comes from a slow growing sadness that eventually just takes over. and it does, for some, id suppose… but i just feel like im coming unhinged. like my actions dont make sense, like my feelings are inconsistent.

public places make me anxious.
everything is sort of awful in ways i dont know how to talk about.

do i want to commit myself?
would that help?
would i lose my job?

…am i going to kill myself?

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