status quo

Standard

so, about that writing more thing? yeah. that didnt seem to happen did it? … whoops

I went to my psychiatrist’s yesterday, basically as routine check up on my meds. But I had to talk about my psychologist and his making me go to therapy more often and the fact that ive gained 20 pounds since he upped my medication last time. ie, in 4 months. So, the process for med switching has begun, and all thoughts of taking on the new job have been crushed. In some ways its easier now, because I have an excuse, in other ways I’m just so god damn angry.

i dont handle medications well. zyprexa, resperidone, basically all first generation atypicals make me swell like a balloon, and get spinny headed.  it doesnt make much sense as they are completely different drugs from one another, but there you go.  so ive been on an anti seizure med for the vast majority of my bipolar life (5-6 years, 2 year break, 1.5 years now), but they seem to make me gain weight, and balance my mood, but to a low grade depression.  so im getting slowly transitioned to abilify theres a cost benefit analysis there, and im not sure ive made the right choice. low grade depression sucks, but nowhere near as much as bipolar depression. or bipolar anything, really.

so, long story short, im afraid this transition is going to go badly, as they almost always do, and negative impact my job/ability to do jon’s job.  this is basically self discrimination, and if jon had said it it would be blatant discrimination, but the organization cant afford to have an ED that could potentially go down of february and march.

so. thats that. i guess.

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