Ive been gone for awhile, despite saying Id write more, because the things consuming my life were things I wasnt allowed to write about. am not allowed to write about. not yet, anyway. lets just say work hasnt been awesome.
But theres been a lot of other changes so I think I can finally scrape together something to say.
im transitioning off divalproex and onto abilify. abilify is the shit. i feel human. i feel like i understand what stress is supposed to be. i feel like i cant possibly explain the difference, but its amazing.
Im moving out of my apartment, and away from brandon (we are still friends). Im moving out on my own. im moving into a house. a floor of a house anyway. donna and kale will live above me. we will have a pretty backyard with trees and bbqs. my kitchen is red.
I am excited, though i think im supposed to feel scared. i dont know. theres something nice about having complete control over things, but at the same time i have complete control to fuck them up and im pretty good at that. and the rent is very high. like 1.5 times what i pay now. but a house! by myself! theres a hammock! theres no grass to mow! its the best of both worlds.
i keep starting to write about work and then erasing it because even what im allowed to write about doesnt make any sense without what i cant. the event ive been working on for months is going well. its thursday. we have a tv reporter hosting. fingers crossed for good press.
we had the first gathering of my group of friends in months this weekend and it was good. i hope if continues but im not sure it will. the split may be running deeper between a couple people who will ruin it for everyone.
its dads birthday today too. im a little blubbery about it because im worried all the time even though i probably shouldnt be. he got into a clinical trial in arizona, so my parents will be there in may, after their ‘travel before the sickness!’ trip to china. good for them.
i guess i over estimated my ability to write something.
things are good. too much change, but not in a bad way. i need to buy a vacuum cleaner. i think ill visit gma tonight.