new shiny wife

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I’ve been gone. I could ramble about that but theres no reason for it, so I’m just going to skip over it and act like it never happened.

Jon moves tomorrow. his last day of work was friday. i feel sick about it. I keep having dreams where the world is ending (literally) and for some reason I’m at work and like trying to save it. its not a very well masked dream. or nightmare, i guess. im sad. im so so sad. and terrified. we are completely flying blind without a full time ED.

speaking of which.
i was offered the ED position; almost took it. ultimately, through many weeks of extreme distress, turned it down. my therapist thinks its a good thing. i do too, but it enrages me e that it is a good thing. im so tired of being sick. im so tired of not being normal. im so tired of not being able to take a giant promotion because im me.

in other news, i moved. on april 1st. i stopped living with brandon. or anyone, actually. i live y myself in a too expensive apartment in the north end under donna and kale. i really, really like it. we go to value village and the far away cheap grocery store every week. we alternate who has who over for dinner. we joke that i am kales second wife. im shiny and new so he listens to me. but i have my space and no one is in it and sometimes thats really nice.

but jon is leaving. and i dont do well with change. and this might not go well alone. so maybe we will see.

my parents are in china. they cant communicate because China sensors all things google, but i think they are having a good time. who wouldnt, really? my dad is going to some clinical trial in arizona after they get home. he seems to be feeling fine. thats all you can ask for, really.

i’d planned to actually write something but kale and i need to leave in 20 minutes and im in my pjs with bedhead, so i suppose ill go deal with that. im sure ill be back to cry and mope on monday. bipolar me doesnt handle losing support systems well.

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