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its been about a month since i was on my medication. i shouldnt say im off meds, since i still take ativan, wellbutrin and a barely there dose of abilify a day but in comparison to usual, im off my meds. i dont know why i take 2.5 mg of ativan a day considering the medically relevant dose is 15 mg a day, but here we are.

i think its going well, i feel more like myself. the problem, im realizing, is that myself feels awfully bipolar. the other night i had to talk myself out of slitting my wrists, not because i was particularly sad, just because i felt uncontrolled. like anything might happen and i might do anything to myself and there was nothing i could do about it. thats a horrible feeling. its around far too often.

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