reality

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today is a bad day.

christian and i broke up, if you could even call it that. we “defined the relationship” only we defined it into nothing so i guess it just never really existed. i’ve come to the conclusion he says i love you to me like i’d say it to brandon. i do love brandon. i love him a lot in fact. but it isnt quite what i meant when i said it back. add it to the list, i suppose.

i went to the psychiatrist today and bawled in his office over things that dont matter to him at all but i couldnt stop. i cant afford my meds as of next month and i have no idea what to do. he tried to write me three month prescriptions but the insurance company refused to fill them.

so thats terrifying.

and laura is moving out and i cant pay my rent. and everything is just fucking exploding.

and all i can do is cry.

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