Good Lord.

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I know I said I’d write more but my life is legitimately boring. I babysit the kids sometimes, i cook dinner for my family once a week. my anti depressants got raised slightly. my sleep is back on track. like, legit theres nothing personal to talk about really, other than the fact that brandon has somehow convinced me to play dungeons and dragons despite my staunch hate of all things fantasy or dragon related. in related news, i made the most amazing gnome  character possible. he used to be ceramic and he dresses like a hipster. only with armour.

anyway.

the obvious shit to talk about is political, and honestly, for some reason i dont usually do that here. im very political in real life. im a member of a federal and a provincial political party. i worked as a political lobbyist. i subscribe to the Washington posts weekly political recaps incase i missed things. i read actual newspapers (online). i read political subreddits to see what other people think. and i laugh at political memes on twitter, like everyone else. Also, like the VAST majority of Canadians (as can be demonstrated through the current leadership race for the federal conservative party), I fucking hate Trump.

So, really, I have lots of commentary (the globe gag rule being reinstated? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?). but honestly, Im so tired of reading about everyone bitching about trump all the time. like, he deserves it, and i read a lot of it, but i dont really want to come to wordpress to read uninformed opinions about a political leader. especially not from (albeit, a better informed than ordinary) canadian citizen who lives in canada.

but, legitimately, politics are a large part of my day right now. so my very canadian commentary is:

  1. Trudeau’s vacation. Can we please stop fucking talking about it? literally the only people that care that Trudeau took a private plane to the Aga Khan’s private island on his vacation are the media. NO ONE CARES. His family paid their own way, it was not Canadian tax dollars, the guy legitimate deserves a vacation, he has known the Aga Khan his entire life. NO ONE CARES.
  2. Kevin O’Leary joined the race for the Conservative Party. He doesnt even speak fucking french. I mean, I dont either, but Im not trying to be the leader of a bilingual country.  This is what happens when americans elect a reality tv star: suddenly they all think they can do it. And he’s right up there with Leitch for worst possible choice to lead a political party. I’d say I hope they pick one of them cuz theyd stay out of office but then Americans let Trump happen so lets not test it.
  3. Women’s march. very uplifting. interested to see if we can make an actual movement out of this from here. also some really interesting intersectional feminist reads out there right now which have been broadening my admittedly white centric feminist views (which, honestly, i knew were white centric but i didnt realize HOW white centric). i appreciate that learning experience.
  4. Richard Spencer got punched in the face at an anti facist rally. honestly, it is partly his own fault for being the most known facist and showing up at an anti facist rally, even if it was unintentional. but, seriously guys, i know they guy is a nazi but punching him in the face and running away is not helping anyones cause here. and then the washington post comes out with “is it ok to punch a nazi?” articles. which seems… absurd. this is the new normal, i guess? like is that a question we need to seriously debate for future reference? is this coming?
  5. Trump pulled out of the TPP and that may actually be a good thing. this is causing cognitive dissonance.

And in conclusion: thank fucking god I’m Canadian. im going to play games on my phone and attempt to forget the US exists.

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gratitude

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welp. theres two reasons i should be writing this; im going to start with the positive one.

its thanksgiving! and while this should be a day where we all recognize the horrendous actions of our ancestors and aid in creating a better society, lets be honest, that aint north america’s style, so I’m going to talk about things that are good and eating turkey.

last weekend we had friendsgiving, where all my non-blood famjam (ie the poop circle) came to my apartment and we had a potluck supper. IT WAS SO GOOD. i am unsure family thanksgiving can compete. Amber and Ian stayed here for a couple nights, which was awesome because I miss Amber SO. SOOOOO MUCH. and I hadnt seen Ian in months because he was stationed in BC for 8 months this year.

A lot of things have been going well lately. My grandmother has been losing her sight and we didnt think shed be able to read again, but her vision was mostly fixed this week. she is ecstatic. it is adorable. I made her supper tonight; we played cards and she kept showing me her completed crossword puzzles and the books shes reading. i like it. its nice to see her happy again.

Im planning a trip to see my brother in december, and flights strangely got $300 cheaper. whaaaaa.

Im still studying for the GREs, and while the word problem algebra questions may be kicking my ass, turns out i still remember geometry: cha ching.

I have had really good times with my family lately. Im terrified of moving away for multiple years to go to grad school. Im very thankful for the family I have been born into. I wish more people had relationships with their grandparents. i wish more people still got to see their siblings on a regular basis. i wish more people got to see their nieces and nephews grow up.

And then theres the bad reason for writing this.

Last Thursday we went to my parents for supper. my mom called me on my drive there to asked when id get there and there was something weird in her voice, but she said everything was fine. I may have spent the entire ride assuming my grandfather died (he is fine). we ate, the kids played. My sister had made an apple pie. we sat down for dessert, most of us with pie, my super healthy brother eating apples. then my Dad said “well, now that everyone’s sitting down..” and the world stopped a little.

My Dad’s cancer is back. It is worse. Radiation didnt work. It is possible he may just go back on hormone therapy, but it’s more likely he’ll need chemo.

So theres that.

Jeff stared at the table, handing Lucy more and more ice cream (that she’d never get to eat normally) as we asked questions. I slowly ate all my pie. Amy got all teary. Mom kept hugging us. Jeff got pie. We stress ate, as a family.

I am grateful that I am Canadian, and that this wont bankrupt us. I am grateful that my grandmother is turning 90 and is still mentally together and able to do crosswords. I am grateful my brother is willing to have me in his home whenever I want, so I can have a relationship with his kids. I am grateful for friends that move 1600 miles away, that I still talk to everyday. I am grateful that when my sister dropped me off, I wanted to tell my roommate that my dad was sick. I am grateful that my boss is my best friend. I am grateful to have friends who, without knowing why i was upset, called to take me out to supper.

Happy Thanksgiving, internet.